i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
