True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
