I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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