Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
