if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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