she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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