i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
