Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
