u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize