Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
