I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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