Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
