Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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