How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
