Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
