i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I supernannyed him into submission
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
