you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
