first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize