im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
