i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize