do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
