return my video game
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
