I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
