You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
