I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize