i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We need a shit load of segways right now
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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