Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
