He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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