I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
