i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
