I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize