i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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