Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
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