I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
