Plan B is the new Plan A
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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