It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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