You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
