pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize