I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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