when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i've created a new STD.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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