there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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