i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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