booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
