oh god the rape fog is back!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
