i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
