Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
