i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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