Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i want to swaddle you in tequila
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
