it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
