shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
