Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
