The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
