bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
