i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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