dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
