Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
