she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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