I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
