I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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