i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
