i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
