ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
