i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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