I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
