I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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