i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
