she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
