I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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