I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
