Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
