the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
