Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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