if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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