That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
