he thought i was a dude.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
