You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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