so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
